In retrospect, perhaps I could have started by putting chains on. My usual parking spot's actually a great place to do that. But roads are plowed and sanded, right?
Anyway, I started by trying to do the U-turn route onto 99 southbound. That involves leaving my place onto 99 North, going down a steep hill and turning left, going up a very steep hill, making a sharp left turn, going down a shallow grade, and then accelerating really hard onto 99 south because the speed of traffic is 40mph and there's no on ramp or signal.
I got to the hill I needed to go up, and didn't succeed in getting up it. So I did a combination of a drift turn and a three-point turn, while a city sand or plow truck blocked traffic, went back down the hill engine braking in 1st with just a little accelerator, somehow got my truck back up to the road between 99 and Dexter, my nearest city street, and then did a drift all the way down to Dexter, which is flat. There was nobody there, so it was kind of like skiing if skis weighed 3700 pounds and didn't have edges.
So I parked on Dexter and I'm leaving the truck there until the city decides to plow and sand the roads.
My roommate recently put winter tires on her Subaru and has a set of bald tires that she isn't reusing in the spring. I think those are getting tied into my truck bed for the winter, and I'm not even going to try to drive it without chains if there's snow on the ground at all.
The really brilliant part is that after I parked my truck, I got out my phone to call my job and tell them that I was going to be really late. It had a text message sitting on it, letting me know the place is closed today. I could have slept in. D'oh!